just a bit down...

I'm just a bit down. The prospect of working a wedding next week only makes me depressed. I can't stand that I've found someone, we're engaged and that trying to have a wedding is just going to pot. I mean I've seen things fall apart but I never thought that I would be watching my own hopes and dreams fall apart.

Right now I have to fight the tears because I want to cry. I'm happy but no one really cares that I'm happy and that sucks. It really really sucks that I can't just be myself. I'm...not going to cry. I can't tell if it's just that I'm tired or if I really am just that sad and depressed that all I want to do is cry. Everything makes me want to cry and it's crappy. Looking at pictures of Faith and Felix just cemented the fact that weddings make me depressed in a way that not even chocolate ice cream or jewelry would fix. I can already feel the knot in my throat forming and I can't stand it anymore.

Which means I'm going to be a pissy person for most of the next two weeks. The thought of even trying to go to a wedding is depressing me to a point that makes me want to cry and scream.

sorry...

I had planned to start doing more blogging with this new blog but my adventures in organizing my office have taken quite a bit longer than anticipated or expected. I mean I started the opening weekend of July and I still have 50 percent left to clean up. But one whole side and the back are clean. Well the back that's a different story but it's still clean for the most part.

I'd be having more luck if the guys would ever come in or if we had a mechanic. Yeah he left us high and dry with a shop that is far more disgusting than a small engine shop should be and I'm no girly girl. I mean I'm a jump right in grabbing oily chains and greasy parts to help you out but this is was more than I could stand.

I've been in and out of the office trying to find chainsaws and figure out where engines came from. I mean a whole engine brand new in the box, a bright and shining beacon in that junk yard of a shop. Now I have to deal with finding pieces of this and that to see if we can salvage or if we should just junk what's out there.

I have to find Tony, he's got my key to the shop. I don't know if he's done replacing that flywheel yet so I need to get on that. Because if we could just get that out of the shop I'd be eternally grateful. Because if that hateful woman calls me one more time yelling into the phone because she can't hear I'm going to lose it.

be back later have to run back to my office.

I did not order fries with that....

I don't understand why they think that you would want fries at Sonic. That's just not what they're known for. Sonic onion rings yes, tater tots yes but not french fries.

I mean they didn't ask and I know that I didn't say but that doesn't mean that I don't want to have the options to decide what I get with my food. I know that it sounds childish and stupid but I want my options.

Of course they messed up almost everything that we ordered and usually that doesn't happen at Sonic. But it is Monday and I will give them that, on Monday you get one screw up.

But I don't like french fries unless they happen to be seasoned curly fries. The texture just isn't right on french fries. I love potatoes or atleast I used to but not so much anymore. My Irish roots are crying at the thought of me really not liking potatoes like I should.

So next time at Sonic I guess I need to remember to ask for tots, lest I end up with the crazy low salt french fries that Sonic serves up.

Disappointed

I'm disappointed in the weather. It's this awesome gray sky kinda day but it's 75 with humidity. It's been like that all week. We have these huge plate glass windows in the front and you look out them and think, 'oh boy it's cold outside.'

Lazy Afternoon...

It's one of those lazy afternoons that you just want to sit around. Sit there looking to see what's going on in the world but don't want to be any part of it. I just wish that I could see a window from here, the closest I can get is some reflections from the front windows on the ceiling but it may also be from the floor lamps in the furniture department. I can't really tell from here. I just wish that they would change the channel so that I can watch something that I haven't already seen 15 times this summer.

I guess that's kinda what got me hooked on my fiance. We spent a lazy Saturday afternoon sitting on the bench outside of what is now my office watching tv. It sounds crazy but that's where it all began, on a park bench in electronics department. He does our DirecTV installations, deliveries and some generalized appliance repairs. We kinda deal in one stop shopping minus the bananas.

But I've also learned that lazy afternoons without the bosses turn into Monday morning headaches. The kind that make you wish you had a hangover because it would be less painful. Most of the time when you get in trouble, you hear it from everyone all day long. There is no escaping getting in trouble and you pray that they don't pull your time card because that means serious trouble. (I just want to know who keeps messing with mine.)

Maybe I should consider doing some work on this lazy afternoon to take my mind off my work woes.

Maybe I told a lie...

I decided that I would fill out the profile and was sorely disappointed when I got to occupation. There are very few options here, so I chose best I could which would be consulting. I do that. I consult on appliances, electronics, some lawn equipment, Stihl products, Verizon Wireless Cellular service, and have very limited knowledge of DirecTV. This is a daily occurence to have to deal with any of these things.

I use my college education to sell appliance lawnmower parts. To sell phone service to people who probably don't need it. To field calls from angry customers who have used and abused what they paid for with hard earned dollars and now have broken things. Also to field calls for my boss and also my fiance (two completely different people by the way). On three different lines, which means that I have to pay attention to which line I'm answering to make sure that I use the correct greeting.

But after looking at the list it seems like your average Joe isn't allowed to blog or even invited to be one of the chosen few. They may blog but it seems like they should be left on the fringes of the blogosphere to do what everyone else does freely. I didn't find one that suited me. One that I felt that I could honestly say, "yes that's me" because they just seem to be so different from what I'm doing with my life.

The truth...

The truth is after watching Julie & Julia, I realized that I missed the thrill of open blogging. I missed not knowing if there was anyone following me. The unknown audience that didn't feel the need to just read and run, and frankly if they did, I'd never know that they had been here.

I also missed the simple nature that is Blogger. I just sign in, hit new post, type to my hearts content, then hit publish and walk away. There's just too much going on on Xanga for me to enjoy blogging there. There are so many posts to read from blogs that I pretend to follow but I don't want community. I want to write without fear of backlash for having a differing opinion or just an opinion in general.

My fiance also found the Xanga and frequently asks about things I said that I don't remember saying, including that I thought his brother was cute (but sadly lacking in the personality department). I will never be able to live that one down because he frequently asks me if I still want his brother over him.

I also like the clean feel of this kind of layout. Very user friendly.

Hopefully with this I will be able to blog a little more often than before. Following or not I'm happy to be home again on the internet.

New Blog...

I thought it was about time that I got a new blog. I'm not one for abandoning blogs but I need something a little more accessible than my old xanga. I'm still going to keep it but this one is more for getting out all those things I feel like I can't. I'm not so much into the whole want of community just a way to communicate the thoughts that I can't get out.