Christmas...

I was talking yesterday about Christmas at my Grandma’s house and the memories that I will have forever the memories that will stay with me and no one can take them away.

Some of the memories are quite vague but I love them none the less. Some of them I know that I have created from looking at pictures of Christmas’ past but others were never in pictures they are only in the fading memories that I force myself to try and remember to keep them from completely fading out.

Christmas at my Grandma’s  always meant that the five of us would all have matching pajamas, but this could have been for anytime of the year. They were always homemade and I can remember being called away from playing for Grandma to measure a piece of elastic for the shorts that she would then write our name on the end in a fine point sharpie before letting us go back to playing. One set in particular is memorialized in a picture of me and two of my cousins standing in front of the refrigerator with those pink spongie curlers in my hair. Now I realize that my hair is much too fine to hold curls of any sort no matter how much hair product is in my hair and how much heat is applied. I know that in the office closet at their house there is a suitcase full of that material, pink with small white strips in a soft stretchy material as well as yellow and white that my cousin Jody had. I was always jealous of him, I wanted the yellow pajamas more than anything.

Everyone in our family has a stocking that Grandma handmade. One of those felt pieced together kits that you can buy at the craft store. All are different. There is resentment too. I wanted the one that was a train made out of candy…I got a green one with Raggedy Anne and Andy, the same one Jody has. I want a candy train. They have been in multiple rooms and they always had the best presents. They were in the office for the longest time. Then pinned to the curtains in the dining room, and then onto the breezeway curtains. Now they are wrapped in tissue paper in white shirt boxes in the office closet. I haven’t gotten up the nerve to ask for mine. I’m not sure if I can handle having it in my own home. It makes me sad because I know that once it leaves their house it will be over. That those memories of childhood will finally end. That it will mean that we won’t be spending hours and hours piled into the tiny rooms of their house waiting, being forced out of the house to play with something anything.  

When we were little and everyone was there wasn’t enough room for everyone to sleep in the house so there were a few times that we would sleep in the garage. Now let me finish! This garage had wall to wall carpet, a Dearborn heater that we would all sleep in front of.  They would put blankets down across the door so that there were no drafts. My grandparents would  bring in the redwood picnic table and we would eat out there and play games and have fun. I remember many times sitting at the picnic table playing Monopoly and not being old enough to play by myself and being on a team with my cousin Jeffrey and being the horse. I remember that no matter how much we played we never won.  

I don’t remember whether or not the tree was out there or if it was in the living room in the house. I remember playing with our toys out there and how much fun it was.

That room has since been enclosed and turned into a room with a heat/cool unit and a bathroom. It doesn’t feel the same. 

The memories don’t feel the same. 

love ya!

Christmas traditions...

I am going to try this since it is the holiday season once again and that means that I am probably going to be limited in the amount of time that I am able to blog. I know that really isn’t an excuse not to blog because if I really wanted to I could make the time to pound out a post every now and then but I just can’t make myself. Today at church we were talking about Christmas traditions and it has really been making me think about what I really remember and look/looked forward to at Christmas.

I have always liked the way that Christmas lights look when the windows are all speckled with raindrops and it just gives the lights a beautiful blurry effect.  The way that they look in photos is always fun and I’m not talking about fancy high speed digital cameras, I’m talking the old school point and shoot cameras that you would have to rewind the film and drop it off at Wal-Mart and come back two weeks later to see your pictures photos. I don’t really care about putting them on the tree or wrapping them in bushes because you just end up freezing in the dark trying to figure out which one isn’t working and causing the complete failure of all your hard work.

I like holiday displays. My favorite is on the south end of a double dead end street in my home town.  (It is on both sides of the main street in our town and they both dead end.) Each of the houses on that block have painted wooden cutouts of cartoon characters in Christmas settings. When I say cutouts I mean there are six or seven per house and on the other side where there are no houses are cutouts of train cars with the matching characters. I think that when a person on the street leaves that the cutouts are gifted to the new homeowners. I am not completely sure because it has been a long time since I  have been down that street at Christmas since it is a dead end it makes it hard to justify going down the street.

One thing that I truly miss about Christmas is the time that I would get to spend with my cousins. When we were little, they lived in South Dakota so it was a big deal when they would come down. It is a ten or twelve hour drive to where we live in Texas and it could be even more I don’t really remember, I only made the trip one time. When we were little there were so many things that I loved about Christmas at Grandma’s, which really is a whole post in itself.

I guess back them it was more that I guess I really didn’t understand the concept of time. Today I am more aware of how little time there is in life and how short twenty-four hours actually is. I know that there are way too many days when twenty-fours in one day just isn’t enough for me to accomplish everything that I need to and this is one of them. Because it then becomes a fight to balance what you have to do in your daily life with those little things that make it all worth living. There are a lot of days when I would really just rather snuggle up on the couch with my husband at night and watch endless hours of Golden Girls reruns and eat jell-o instead of going upstairs to fold laundry or in the kitchen to wash the never ending supply of dirty dishes that find their way into my sink.

Even now as I sit here I know that there are so many other things that I should be doing right now. There are Christmas presents that still need to be wrapped. I need to find a place to put my Christmas tree up so that I can put the gifts under there. I also have to finish my mother-in-law’s present which is on the dining room table half finished. I know that I’ve got to get my stuff together so I can pull out the three sacks of my brother’s t-shirts so that I can start cutting them apart to make him a blanket for graduation. I am hoping that I can make it a little extra special.

love ya!

The holiday season...

The holiday season is upon us which only means one thing...cold. Yes it is cold here in Texas we are looking at our first freeze warning tonight. Yes that stinks much more than anything else that is going on and there are lots of things going on right now. I really just don't know what to do right now. I really need to get up and clean but so much of my body is warmed by the couch that if I get up my backside will be quite cold. I had hoped to get my house cleaned before the Thanksgiving holiday and well that didn't happen. Many of my goals have not been lately and it does upset me but I know that I just have to keep working on it and things will finally work out. I know that right now I really should be doing the dishes but I just don't feel like sticking my hands in a sink full of hot soapy water right before I have to go. My lips are already so chapped that even putting any kind of chapstick on them just makes them all slippery and slimy and does nothing to soothe. 

I have two different piles of Christmas gifts that I need to start wrapping but I really haven't gotten to that point because I have to sit on the dirty floor which is also cold and hard. So right now I think that I should probably just stop complaining and get things done around my house. Anyone want to help? I also need to do laundry and I need someone to dust up around the ceiling and underneath my bed. Then they need to find the floor in my spare bedroom as well as get the bed cleaned off. 

love ya!

Rainy day...

We have been suffering lately from bouts of extreme frenzy as well as extreme slowness. There is no longer a middle ground to what is going on at work. There are times when you will almost fight in order to help a customer because you have nothing better to do than to keep count of the minutes left in the work day. I am not even completely happy trying to type out a post. Typing and writing have always been two of my favorite pastimes and even now they cannot fill the void of boredom. 

It is a truly sad day when having high speed internet cannot solve your boredom. There are things to do but then again I really have nothing to do. We are trying to get ready for the annual sale one week from today but that doesn't help because there are things that if we do them today we will just be repeating them before the week is  over. Already we have finished cleaning up the loan department desk, we have gotten most everything off of the floor that is not useful or moved it to a place where it useful. Really it is a matter of getting things done before our boss gets back so that we don't have him trying to go behind us and change what we are doing. But that will happen anyway because that is just how it goes. 

I'm just happy that my office doesn't get used so that I won't have to try and get it cleaned up before then because well it is a disgusting mess that is usually coated in a nice layer of grime and dust. I will clean it up some I have a couple of A/C units that I have to find better places for. They will probably end up in the warehouse before the week is up which will put them in the way for next week. We have a tendency to oversell things which in some cases has stemmed from a customer being indecisive. If you want it go for it because if you wait too long there won't be one for you to have and then you have to wait for us to order one and that doesn't always happen in a timely manner. 

I actually set out to write about an article over on babble.com about scary kids movies, which was not a very impressive list. There were quite a few movies that I had never heard of and a few that are probably more psychologically harmful than scary. I don't see Bambi as scary just as a way to psychologically scar child and guarantee therapy bills in the future especially if you live in an area where hunting is very popular. Also your child will probably end up being terrified of going in the woods for fear of fire. Maybe that is why I have a truly deep fear of fire. Granted I will light a candle, cook on a gas stove and hold a lighted candle for an hour during Christmas eve service, but put me around fire that does not have set boundaries you might as well box me up and send me packing. Thinking about it could also stem from seeing Backdraft as a younger child which also gave me a fear of theaters. Not movie theaters but the real ones with curtains and backstage areas.

Ernest Scared Stupid scared the living daylights out of me as a child. I still refuse to watch that movie. I will watch Ernest goes to jail or any of the other Ernest movies but NEVER will I watch that one again. My brother has tried to make me watch it to show me that it is not as scary as I make it out to be but I just can't do it. I am still afraid of trolls (and it sounds much better with the accent I hear in my head).

love ya!

Hello there...

Hello.

I know that it has been awhile but I'm taking advantage of a little down time during this lovely gorgeous Friday afternoon. It is beautiful outside. The sun is shining, the wind is just a tiny bit breezy and for a moment I am going to relax. The week before Thanksgiving starts a hectic personal life for me that will die down somewhere in January. The hectic work life starts in mid to late September and runs until Spring. Then right around Thanksgiving they collide and that is where the problem starts. 

I have an anxiety disorder that makes normal tasks monumentally stressful and it makes it hard to relax. I usually end up sick around this time of year and right now I am trying desperately to stay well enough to make it through to around December 7th or 8th just depending on how the 5th and 6th go. I will then come crashing down to a halt which will then make me even more worried that I have to abandon my desk for a few days to other people. I love my coworkers but I don't like other people touching my things and when I try to explain things to them it just seems like there is a lot of talking and no listening. 

I over commit myself at this time of the year starting with shoe boxes at Church. It is something that I am compelled to do and this year we really were cutting it close when it comes to time and that stressed me out. Then we had volunteers that were helping who didn't know what they were doing and that stresses me more. Because I become truly concerned with what they are doing instead of what I should be doing. This is because every year no matter how hard and carefully we plan, we always come up short on some things and we have to make a mad dash to the dollar stores and Wal-Mart for last minute cheap toys. The selection of eighty-eight cent toys at Wal-Mart has turned into dollar toys and the selection has dwindled significantly. Then you also are not allowed to send toys with guns or related to military and that makes that difficult. We had to take pencil sharpeners out this year that were little Marine Duckies that were so adorable but we couldn't risk them getting pulled out.

And the Thanksgiving holidays are just plain stressful because of family. Then on top of that at work we are trying to prepare for our annual sale which is essentially our Black Friday a week late. 

I had to get in on the Black Friday action this year. And I have to say thank you to Wal-Mart for putting some stuff on at 10 pm this year. I was home by 10:37 with a 1600 piece set of legos, 2 seasons of Bones, all 3 Lord of the Rings (@1.96 each!), Water for Elephants and Zookeeper for right around $80. I have been sent on a mission from my mother to go back at 5 pm for a $38 steam mop and some $9 backpacks that look like Darth Vader and Yoda. I think I can make that happen. Those would be great for my nephews but I'm not sure what the protocol for presents at my in-laws is.

That opens up that whole stressful who am I supposed to buy for and how much do I spend, do I get a gift for everyone that gives me something. Where do you draw the line for Christmas presents? I already am in the process of making something for my mother-in-law and then my husband bought her something. I still have to pick up something for my father-in-law and am wondering if it is silly to get a grown man a Green Bay Packers Mr. Potato head?  I think I may do it. I think that it is a sign when I put Green Bay Packers into Amazon it was the first item that pulled up. I think they are also on sale right now. There are other teams and no I don't know why they are all the same price.

love ya!

Well it is Saturday...

There were complications last week that caused me not to get anything else posted and this week has been a mess. Partially it is a mess because I have become a little tiny bit obsessed with Pioneer Trail on Facebook and I spend every waking minute I can on there trying to complete missions and earn points. I was okay when I just had the homestead but not there is the ghost town and the trail. Of course I really can't get anywhere on the trail until I get one more person to help me stitch some stuff up I will be on my way to Beaver Valley. I've really kinda given up on the Ghost town because I never have enough of what I need and on many of the quests my status keeps getting reset or I will do a whole bunch and it will find a bug and restart and then I find out that half of what I did didn't count. I don't mind when it doesn't count but there are a few times I don't get the same secret items that I did the first time which hacks me off unless it was one that I already have a half dozen or more of. 

I am probably going to buy some nice shiny metallic spray paint in a few minutes if it is still there if not I didn't need it to start with. I can't even get through writing anything without there being a total loss of sanity. Had someone in a panic over an ice cream freezer, another who needed a transformer for their heater which it is still not truly cold enough to need a heater. But I am looking forward to winter so I can try out some outfits that I have seen online using what I already have. I'm thinking that my green pull over sweater over my black dress will look nice if I can get my ankle to stop giving so I can wear heels. More than anything I am really looking forward to getting to wear tights this winter. 

I will have to stop for a few because I am a bit off center and am having problems staying awake and concentrating. Also my clothing is a bit snug and that irritates me and makes me uncomfortable.

love ya!

Mercy mercy...

I give up or in, whichever suits the situation better. 

Numerous times this week I have sat down to write something and failed to do anything. I don't even remember my day off. There have been Internet issues which have ranged from having Verizon Internet that has horrible reception at my in town apartment but excellent reception at my in-laws out in the sticks. Google Chrome and Flash issues which have resorted in me calling it quits many nights on Facebook for the simple reason of not being able to play games. Yes I would rather get on Facebook and play games where I have to beg for things from my friends than actually talk to any of them or look at their pictures or just silently stalk them. I have also traded a game that very few of friends play for one that many play, that is where the Flash issue comes in. Then if I can get it loaded about three minutes in it wants to refresh. 

I have been swamped at work and dealing with those things that come from being employed. I am not a fan of the holiday season because I already have issues with budgeting my time. I like the go go go of the holiday season. I think I posted earlier about that crush of go go go that starts in September and runs until March or April here at work. There was a DirecTV snafu this week which has accelerated the rush of this week. We have had customers make DirecTV employees cry which was no skin off our noses because that meant they did what they were supposed to do and called someone who could do something.

NOTE: If you have a problem with DirecTV, Verizon, Sprint, Dish Network, etc., do not go to a dealer to complain call the company. The company cares more to hear from a customer than from a dealer on behalf of a customer. But be nice. You will hopefully accomplish more through them. I have had Whirlpool customers get the part sent to them and warranty extensions for calling. That is the reward for being nice. Remember that always.

 There has been educational drama. But for matters of privacy and ethics I will leave it there. 

I have also just been suffering from distraction. Even this morning I was side tracked by one of those 'What were they thinking...' slide-shows on Yahoo because I have found email posting to be more effective.

I will be trying to hammer something out this afternoon in the way of a real thought provoking or mind numbing post. I haven't really decided yet.

love ya!