I'm just a bit down. The prospect of working a wedding next week only makes me depressed. I can't stand that I've found someone, we're engaged and that trying to have a wedding is just going to pot. I mean I've seen things fall apart but I never thought that I would be watching my own hopes and dreams fall apart.
Right now I have to fight the tears because I want to cry. I'm happy but no one really cares that I'm happy and that sucks. It really really sucks that I can't just be myself. I'm...not going to cry. I can't tell if it's just that I'm tired or if I really am just that sad and depressed that all I want to do is cry. Everything makes me want to cry and it's crappy. Looking at pictures of Faith and Felix just cemented the fact that weddings make me depressed in a way that not even chocolate ice cream or jewelry would fix. I can already feel the knot in my throat forming and I can't stand it anymore.
Which means I'm going to be a pissy person for most of the next two weeks. The thought of even trying to go to a wedding is depressing me to a point that makes me want to cry and scream.
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