All it means is that I've been spending the last few weeks identifying with all the different interns at some point and it seems to be making me miserable. Finally to season five and it makes me sad to know that soon there will be no more George and that eventually there will be a whole new set of residents and interns that will be there.
I'm having a problem writing. Every night as I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep I keep starting these different scenes of a new story and I just can't seem to make it happen when I finally sit down with a pen and paper. Trying to deal with a whole set of emotions that I can't really seem to handle. It scares me that the one thing that I've always been able to rely on and come back to seems to be the hardest thing for me to do right now. I've spent hours scribbling in notebooks and tapping out blog entries.
I want it to rain. I want to feel the rain on my skin. Last night when I was watering my tomato plants I poured water on my feet so that I could just feel wet concrete under my feet. I love the way warm concrete smells after it rains. There is something that I find so comforting that it makes me smile and I want that again. I'm sick of every time that I turn on the news they're talking about more acres of Texas on fire. I just don't like hearing about how close it is getting to cities or how many houses that have burned. In total I think that there has only been one casualty, a firefighter hit by a firetruck.
Anyone that has a windmill to generate electricity right now is doing fine. The wind hasn't stopped in days and it rained enough to make it humid one day last week. Which is what is causing most of the problem here, low humidity and sixty to seventy mile an hour winds.
I have no desire to do anything right now because I just can't seem to make myself get up and do the dishes. I can't even think about starting on cleaning out my spare bedroom. I've been in the apartment for over a year now and I still can't make myself clean. I have things that need to go to the dumpster but I'm afraid that I will get blown away on my way there.
My poor tomato plants are being bruised and battered by this wind. The weed that we have inherited is taller than I am and seems to be prosperous in this kind of weather. I have no idea what my neighbor is doing but it sounds like he moves furniture all the time. He lives by himself so I don't really know why there is always the sound of furniture moving.
There is still a hole in the ceiling of my kitchen and I hate it. I hate it every time that I walk into my already tiny kitchen. The ceiling has stopped dripping which makes it a tiny bit better but it still irritates me. It irritates me that the area around the vent is so rotten that the vent has fallen off the wall and my kitchen stays at an average of 64 degrees all the time because there is no where for the air to go.
Maybe the allure of pen and paper is my problem that even as much as I love to write that that is my problem that I have a hard problem getting rid of bad writing. I hate scratching things out when I write in a notebook. Maybe there is a permanence to writing in a notebook is my problem. I have to quite since I've finally started rambling.
Off to do laundry and watch fat people.
love ya!
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