I'm a little sad....

I'm a little sad...Tater and Tot have both gone to that big fishbowl in the sky. I'm not exactly sure what happened. Tot was the first to go and then a few days later Tater died in the night. I have to think that it was sadness that took Tater, and that is what I'm going to tell myself. It really has been one of those weeks that I just want it to end. I really just want to atke my week of vacation and just sleep. I'm not sure why I just feel so worn out all of a sudden. Then on the other hand I'm not just worn out but in a funk that I can't really seem to get out of. Then anytime I think that I'm getting close to being out of the funk something pushes me back down and I'm starting to get bitter. I don't want to be bitter but that is all that I feel right now. I don't know how to get out of that funk of bitterness. I just feel like all I want is to be left alone and not have to listen to people who have what they have and want more. Or want better of what they have when nothing is wrong with what they actually have. I just have this overwhelming want and desire to download. To just let everything run out of my mouth, all the hurts and pains, the problems that I have right now. I just feel overwhelmed by everything and that makes it hard for me to go and relax. I just want to be able to sit in a tub full of bubbles and warm water and relax. But I can't when I know that I forgot to put my credit card bill in the mail and its due tomorrow. I know that I need to exercise because I know that I've put on some weight and that my blood pressure is up. I know that it isn't horrible but it is still high for my record. I have big fat flabby arms that have gotten worse since I got married. And I have these pockets like doughy biscuits on my hips that I have never had before and there is nothing that is going to make it better. I probably shouldn't be watching Grey's Anatomy right now but I totally feel her right now. I feel the pain and anguish and the total lack of direction. Maybe that is my problem right now that I just don't have any direction. That because I have no direction I have this problem. I feel like the victim. I've made myself the victim. I'm the victim of myself. I just can't go any farther. I have to go and figure out how to get out of this funk. love ya!