Happy Easter!

Sorry that it has been so long since I've been on here. Working on a lot of different things like not going totally batshit crazy. We're in the middle of packing up our apartment and getting ready to move into our first house. I know that I should be far more excited about it but it kind of a pain in the but right now. Waiting on an appraisal and then sign the papers so that we can move in. Little bit more space and a backyard, that has really been the biggest thing to have our own backyard for just a pup to  stay in. When I have some pictures maybe I will post them.

By the way Happy Easter!

love ya!

Been on an upswing...

I'm not one to admit that I have emotional problems but I do. There's no denying and there should be no shame in it but we live in a culture where if you aren't perfect then you are automatically seen as weak. I equate what happens to be as a seesaw. Remember as a child playing on the seesaw? When the other person would get off without any warning and you would be slammed to the ground? That is how my moods can change, one minute at the highest in a manic starting ten million projects and then all of a sudden down as low as you can go. There are very few times when the seesaw is level and when it has been there it feels terrible. That seems wrong that I feel terrible when it is level but that is because I don't know how to feel normal.

There are days when I sit on the couch and know that I need to get up and clean or eat dinner but I just can't. I feel like I am on an upswing and I hope that maybe I can control this one a little more than in the past, stretch the ride to the top out over a longer period of time.

The weather is killing me though. It has been cold then mediocre then miserable. My skin is dry and itchy. I'm getting the little bumps all over my shoulders and arms where my clothes rub and it is irritating. I hate washing my hair in this kind of weather and that has given me a spot on the nape of my neck that I have had multiple times when I don't get that part of my hair clean. It is not a matter of cleaning it is an issue of moisturizing. There are just a few places that you can't reach on your own.

love ya!

Music

Music--an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony and color.

I love that definition of music. I had never really thought about what music would mean. Really have you ever thought about how to describe music to someone. Not a type of music but what music actually is. 

I live in a world where it seems quite lonely and sad without music. I am a huge fan of Pandora and usually have it playing almost all day long in my office. If you don't have Pandora you should seriously look into it. Radio at its best because you personalize the stations that you listen to. Either by picking a song that you like or by picking an artist or group. You tell it whether you like a song or not, put songs on the shelf if they play too often and every once in awhile you listen to a short commercial. I tell you about this just because I love music and I love to listen to it. This is also the only way I can combat the insane amount of Christmas music I must endure at work during the Halloween to New Year's period.

Music speaks to my soul. It can take me back in time without me ever moving an inch. It can make me quite moody and then make me happier than anything as I bask in the trip down memory lane. The sound of this one is a little haunting to me. 

I am going to try to leave you with a video but my internet is going a little wonky.

love ya!

Ten years...

I've been thinking about the fact that almost ten years have passed since I graduated from high school. I know that it has been a rocky road and I will probably either work on this post for quite
awhile or I will write several posts over the next few days.

I really didn't have any goals when I graduated from high school. I didn't have a ten year plan or even a five year plan. I knew that I wanted to go to college but that was about it. So I really can't say that I'm not where I want to be if I had no plan to start with.

I'm not unhappy with my life. I just don't feel like I've done enough. I live in apartment. I haven't paid off my college loans. I am still at the first job I had out of college...now that isn't a bad thing, I have a job that helps pay the bills.

 I have a loving husband. I have a car that is paid off. I have a family that loves me. I'm in a limbo that I've created for myself. I am neither moving forward or backward. I just know that there is more to life than what I have done. It makes me realize that some times we are our on biggest enemy. I know that is something that so many people have said over many years but it is so true. Maybe because it has been said so many times that we don't realize how true it is.

I know that I have to stop bullying myself. I have to stand up for what I want in life. I have to take control of my life and take control.



Ten years have come and gone and the next ten years I hope are going to be so much better. I have to leave you with a little music and this kinda conveys what I'm feeling right now.

So I'm not really into actually posting videos on here I hope the one above works. If not check out the song   My Next 30 Years by Tim McGraw.

love ya!

Update

I'm hoping that by the end of next week that I will be able to cross another book off my 30 before 30 list. I am trying to read more every night before I go to sleep and as much as I want to do that some times that doesn't work. Other people don't always allow me to read.

I am hoping to read a little and then get a good night sleep because last night I was dreaming about taking a nap which I'm sure means that I am way more tired than I thought I was. I was also dreaming about packing clothes that were basically the same as most of the Polyvore sets on my Pinterest boards. It was awesome and I wish that was how packing worked. Like I want to wear this and you pull down an entire outfit accessories and all.

love ya!

A little list...

There a few things in this world that I cannot do, no matter how much I try.

For the life of me there is no fixing my hair. It just doesn't work. I have truly fine hair. When I say that it is not my opinion it has been expressed by every stylist who has ever touched my hair. So unless there are copious amounts of hair spray and bobby pins it will not hold a hair style.

Make up doesn't happen. It just doesn't. Maybe some lip gloss rarely some lipstick but mostly I just wipe it off because I feel self conscious.

Sparklers. There's something about handing me a flaming stick and then telling me to be careful that doesn't make me very trusting. Only in the last few months have my husband and mom gotten me to do snaps and champagne poppers. Those are usually left for little kids to play with. I don't even want you to get close to me if you have sparklers.

Cartwheels. I'm truly afraid of getting hurt. I understand the mechanics of  how to do it. I've seen them done. I've attempted them but I've been for more successful at doing a headstand than any attempt at a cartwheel.

I'm sure that there are a few more things that should go on this list but I really can't think of many more right now.

love ya!

Just a Sunday night at home...

There are quite a few things that have been on my mind this week. Trying to make short term decisions that in the end are actually long term decisions, and so far they have not been easy to make. I know that tomorrow I have to sit down and make those decisions known and be an adult at the same time. They aren't easy decisions to make and it has had me stressed out at work which makes my teeth hurt. I don't know why stress makes my teeth hurt but it does. It isn't grinding my teeth because that will wake me up from a truly sound sleep with pain in my jaw.

I have been trying to work on getting me a little bit of daylight in my life to help combat the blahs that I tend to suffer from because of working in a windowless office. I pulled the foil off our patio door so that I could open it up and air out the house a little bit while I was working on the living room. The cats happened to love it because it afforded them both the opportunity to come in and out as they pleased. Especially Kitten because she still isn't completely comfortable with being in the house. For the first few weeks she would only come in if the door stayed open. The minute the door started to close she was off like a shot and no matter what there was no coaxing her back into the house.

I keep hoping to get a few more pictures on here but the quality of my Internet has not been the best so I'm not even going to try. I can't believe that we are almost into February and it was 75 tonight when we were on our way home from the movie. I would tell you about it but there was a problem with the projector and so after 30 minutes or so the picture went away and there was sound then there was picture, then they restarted the movie, then no picture, nothing at all then there was light. The light was the manager coming in to tell us that the fan was broken and it would be several hours before the projector would be up and running. So after a refund we left and we went by HEB for beer and dessert. Yep that's what we did ice cream and beer. That is how we spent our Sunday night. Watching season 1 of CSI and just chilling before we have to go back to work and start all over again. I will see you another time.

love ya!