I've never been a big fan of change and right now it's making me the worst person in the world to be around. I can guarantee that no one really wants to be around me right now because it just isn't a good time to be around me.
I'm not really one to handle change well and it is taking its toll on me right now and everyone around me. My husband seems to be the one taking the brunt of it right now and it's making my marriage a little awkward. I've done almost nothing in the past few days more than eat, sleep and shower and watch plenty of Disney channel. (I know that makes me very lame.)
I spent most of the morning taping all of the cards that we got from the wedding into my wedding book which now will not close. I then picked up all the bills that were on the floor but I still don't know where the light bill is. And all I can do is try to figure out how I'm going to pay the light bill for the next three months.
Right now I feel like it's the bottom of the ninth, down by one run, bases loaded, two outs and I'm up to bat. All I want to do is cry which usually causes more problems than it solves.
I want to know when life slows down or is it like this everyday for the rest of our lives until we die. Because if this is the way that everyday until I die is going to be I'm ready to throw in the towel already. I'm just sick of always being on the ropes fighting to get back to center.
I'm getting to a point where I just feel like I'm not ever going to make any kind of difference in the world. That I'm just going to be one of those nameless faceless people that are all around you but you have no idea what they do or what they mean to the world.
And everytime I turn around people are already talking about and getting ready for Christmas and its 17 or 18 weeks away. People get over it. I know that it's one of those wonderful times of year but starting it in October takes away the specialness of Christmas.
love ya!
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