Friday, December 31, 2010

Last post of 2010...

I guess this will be my last post of 2010 and I'm not going to lie and say that I hate to see this year end but I'm not going to say I really want it to end. I'm more in the middle of the road for what is going on. There are so many things that I wanted to get done and of course I didn't. There is just so much that I've learned and felt.

I would put up pictures of the wedding but I don't want to. I don't want to share them with the world like that. I did spend the other night looking through them so that I could just see them all. I had been looking at my cousin's pics and they looked so serious in all of the pictures and I just couldn't understand. I didn't know if that's what I looked like in all mine but I hoped I didn't. I was happy to see that there were lots of smiles and laughing. I have no problem with that and it means that all of the pictures looked good.

Tonight I will be ringing in the New Year with my Sugar Bear probably snuggled up in bed asleep or reading.

love ya!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Don't know where to start....

I just don't know where to start with this today, I just know that I need to write and I need to purge. I need to get it all out of my head and just runaway from it all but it doesn't seem to happen. I don't know why I can't do it anymore. I just can't let it go like I use to. I don't know why. If it is the fact that I just don't have the time that I use to which was not really time but more so that I was suffering from moderate to severe insomnia.



I just don't want to end up with all these different things to say and no time to say it. The one thing that I've learned is that you have to get it out every now and then or when you do finally have some kind of emotional break you go totally and completely crazy and start in on anything everything. It isn't all up for grabs but if you just let it build up you end up like Mount Vesuvius and take out everything that you come in contact with.



I've got so many things that I have to do that I'm lucky that I can move or know what to do. I'm caught once again in that place where I'm not sure whether I should do what I need to do or do what I want to do. It doesn't really matter because right now I'm not really in to doing anything but being lazy.



I'm kinda missing the sunshine of fall and spring, don't really like the sunshine of summer. I am however certain that there should and hopefully will be some rain this week except for my day off. On my day off it is destined to be nice and sunny but still cool.



love ya!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Not sure if I'm really ready for Christmas...

I can't believe that there really are only a few days until Christmas and I'm not ready. No way in the world am I ready. I still haven't decorated the Christmas tree or wrapped any presents. I will have to get onto that soon but I'm so tired, so very tired that right now at eight at night that I can't even imagine staying up to the end of the movie.

love ya!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Still getting there...


I am now contemplating whether or not I can handle writing in two different blogs on a fairly regular basis. I think that has always been my weakness in blogging, really sticking with it. That's why I had to shut down another blog that I had here on blogger that started out for a class. No one was reading it except for the teacher and that doesn't do a lot of good for a blog and then I knew that I couldn't pull it out of what it had been intended for and that was to talk about Children's literature. I did what I had to do to get the grade for it and it wasn't too hard. I was amazed at how many people were having a hard time keeping up with it. Three blogs a week on something we talked about in class or the books that we were reading with a certain number of book reviews over the semester. It was a cakewalk.


I will leave you with a picture...I hope. My sugar bear was fidgeting while I was trying to take pictures...there are sometimes that a plain ole camera does a lot more good than a digital one.
Merry Christmas!
Love ya!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Trying to get on here more...

I really am trying to start working on this more than once every three or four weeks. So I guess this would be more like working towards having a New Year's resolution and all that jazz but I'm going to try and work up to it so that maybe by that time I will be posting atleast once a day instead of once a month. Now I don't plan for this to happen starting January 1st but maybe in a few more months.

To me it really is a matter of making the time to do this on a daily basis. I mean I get on the internet and play on facebook a lot but I just can't always seem to get over here to pound out a few sentences or throw a picture or two up, which will probably happen pretty soon.

It is the holiday season and I'm sure that I will be putting up a few things about the holidays and what that does to our family. I just keep telling myself that it's one time a year that I have to really suck it up and deal with it but that isn't something that I like doing. I gross and sweaty and wish that I could have spent more of my day off snuggled up with my Sugar Bear in bed. I did get to sleep just a tiny bit late but for me that's starting to be 8 or 8:30 which stinks because there used to be a time when I could sleep until well into the afternoon with no problems.

Of course I was also suffering from acute insomnia coupled with an Internet addiction to blogging. I have been having a few recurring bouts of insomnia but I now no longer keep my laptop in my bedroom so there is not a lot of choice. I just roll over and snuggle up into my Sugar Bear's back and hold on, knowing that he is there to take care of me.

I will probably be back one day this week just depending on how much I'm at the fireworks stand this season. And how much I have to work to make the ends meet. I'm trying to get a little more adept at trying to keep the ends tied together.

love ya!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Just getting ready for Christmas...

I tried to spend most of my one day off a week getting my house clean I now have a doll cabinet and a basket full of porcelian dolls. I did get most of my kitchen clean this afternoon and I actually found part of the cabinet and should have taken before and after pictures but I forgot. I paid bills last night which was a lesson in putting it off since the electric bill was due today, so I sucked it up and paid the extra dollar to pay it at the gas station but it got there today using the check that I had already written.

I really wish that I could go ahead and put up my Christmas tree but that will have to wait until either tomorrow night or Friday night because I think that Saturday I will be finishing laundry from the last three weeks that I have been putting off because of sheer exhuastion. That and the lack of adequate drying facilities but they are now all fixed and running like a charm, which means that now the washers are going to go to pieces now.

I am so excited that Charlie Brown Christmas is on tomorrow night. That's the only Christmas special that I have to make time to see. I would spend some more time on here but I have to see who actually wins Hell's Kitchen and then I'm off to find a place to put this doll cabinet because right now it is sitting in the middle of my living room making me very nervous as it is in front of our patio door.

Maybe for Christmas I will get a fence around my patio area or maybe I won't.

love ya!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Just couldn't get to where I was going...

I got to the end of last post and didn't get anywhere near where I wanted to.

What I was thinking about was old photos or really black and white photos. I don't know why it is but I find black and white photos and color photos up through the sixties and the seventies so much more appealing than new digital photos. Black and white just seem so much more striking. The whites are so bright and they have so much more character. The shadows are what create the depth and personality of the pictures that I can't help but stare at them.

The hand tinted photos that are subtly colored to pull a rosy hue into the cheeks of a woman in love or to show off a lovely green suit in the latest cut and style. There is something about these photos that make me wonder about beauty. Even just watching old movies, the big Hollywood hits of the day and it makes me wonder about the standards of beauty that we have today and what is so different about thin Hollywood starlets and those of old Hollywood. I say this because I just watched Meet me in Saint Louis and I was looking at how thin Judy Garland was in that film. She looks considerly thinner than any starlet on today's silver screen. Maybe it was just the way that her clothes were cut or how truly thin she was but it was almost disgusting to look at her.

The colors in that film are beautiful. I love the colors of the clothing and the backgrounds. I love color. I love deep hues. I love contrasting colors that make the movie pop. I know that now I really just seem to be rambling but that's what I love about old movies and the transition from black and white to color and I think that is really what it does that the way I feel is what makes me ramble and wander about the topic and never really say anything...kinda like being in love.

love ya!

Just looking at the pictures...

I love pictures.

I see life through the view finder of a camera.

I like to look at the world as though I were taking pictures.

As a child, I remember sitting on the couch at my grandparents looking at the pictures in National Geographic. Those striking images are the ones that filled my childhood and showed me what the world was like. It may have been the view of the photographer but those were the ones that pushed me to see life differently. Even now as I'm sitting on the couch, I'm thinking about how I would take the picture to describe what I'm doing, what I would want the caption in the magazine to read.

But more than anything as the years have progressed I wished that there was a way for me to have a camera in a set of glasses so that I could take the picture of what I see and it be in the same frame. I know that is how a regular camera works but I want the pictures to have my hands in them. I want the hands in the picture because to me that is truly seeing the picture through the eyes of the photographer. Literally seeing exactly what the photographer sees without being instrusive.

There are angles that can't always be achieved with having to put your camera to your eye to take it. Then again taking the best picture might not always be one that is achieved in an easy position. Even in movies I think that they lack personality when it shows it from a third person perspective. I like first person perspective.

I haven't really had time to spend on here and it pains me. I wish that I could squeeze a few more hours into the day because I really miss hearing the sound of the keys tapping away. I hate not having the words to say everything that is pounding in my head and pulling me away from what I'm trying to do. I haven't had a day off since Thanksgiving and before that it was Labor Day. I'm burnt out and my day off hasn't been my day off in a long time. Then I have to worry that if I put up four or five posts that it would ruin the way that it flows. Then again I don't want to put up one insanely long post where you have to wonder if there is a pit stop because you can't see the end of the post and you really have to potty.

love ya!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

just so close...

Just so stinking close that I can't stand it. I really can't wait. Four days. Four days. I just keep telling myself that. That makes it a little bit easier to get through the day but it really isn't that much. it doesn't do enough for me to make it through the day. I still wake up every morning with an upset stomach and nausea. I can't wait for it to be over. It just is so close that I can smell it. Please let it be over soon.

love ya!